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| Young Kris Kirkness knocked our Ehinger foursome out of the Beausejour Manitoba Classic. He's 85 pounds of dy-no-mite! |
Beaten by a Baby-Faced Assassin
By Terry Gavan
Beausejour – The wind was whipping off the tarmac at about 57 mph when I stepped off the plane at Winnipeg International Airport last Friday.
It was, I think, -22 without the wind, and in Winnipeg, they don’t do wind chills on days like that. Why bother. Freakin’ cold is just freakin’ cold. We don’t need frugal embellishments.
“It’s cold in the city today, with the wind out of the Northwest gusting to 60 and… good news. The temperatures are rising,” says the CJOB radio announcer. “High today of -20 and that cold snap that’s been with us for the past week is finally over. The sun is shining and it’s a glorious day Winnipeg!”
I looked over at my ride, Winnipeg Free Press Weeklies Editor John Kendle, and said: “Is he being ironic?”
“Nope,” laughed Kendle. “It was -30 all week, you lucked out.”
Luckier yet, I was headed kinda’ south to Beausejour, about 45 minutes from Portage and Main.
I arrived in the Beau just in time for our first draw in the Beausejour Men’s Curling Crunch at 7 pm Friday night.
The Sungro Complex in Beausejour (population 4,500) is a lovely facility, with a six-sheet curling club, fitness room, weights room, banquet space and a running track that winds around the huge Olympic sized rink.
The Beausejour spiel is a huge four-day event and brings curlers from all areas of the province.
“Guys don’t like curling against us because we’re unpredictable,” smiles Johnnie E.
I entrenched our rink’s quotient of unpredictability by about, umm, infinity.
But we had a plan. Call it plan B.
A loss on Friday night – unplanned - set us up for a run at the B-Side event at eight a.m. on Saturday.
We were paired against a former Manitoba junior champion who was 22, had arms the size of small poplars and a shoulder- to-waist ratio symmetry of a Greek god; or Michaelangelo’s David.
“Anyone for C-side?” I said as I prepared to throw lead rocks.
We punched well above our weight, managed to stay close and somehow earned last rock tied at four coming home in the eighth.
“Anywhere… except on the center line,” Johnnie E yelled down the ice as I prepared to throw my first rock.
I nodded, and threw the most beautiful center line guard I have ever thrown in my life.
“What the hell was that?” asked John.
“That was unpredictable,” I hollered back. “C-Side anyone?”
In a Beausejour Spiel there are no weak links, and throwing up a center guard when you have the hammer coming home is like loading the bases in game seven of the World Series. Except there’s no dugout to hide in.
It went predictably.
They drew in behind four rocks guarding the center line and sat dead center button for John’s last rock.
I walked down and tapped my second rock which was lying in the weeds at the far left of the sheet. We had a biter right behind it and I tapped my rock and then tapped their red on the center line.
“Easy peasy; bump raise and our biter wins it,” I said.
“It’s all we got,” said Johnnie and Greg, our third, put down the broom on the outside edge for an angled bump raise.
Johnnie got it started and we jumped it right away.
Predictably, we did not get the angle raise.
We did get the improbably unpredictable in-and-off. The Greek god just laughed and shook our hands. John came down and apologized profusely. Seventy people in the upper lounge just groaned.
We moved through to the semis with a narrow take-out for the win at midnight on Saturday night.
On Sunday in the semis we were paired against the Kirkness Rink from the Heather Club in Winnipeg.
Skip Kris Kirkness stands 5 foot 5 inches and weights about 85 pounds. He’s in grade eight. He’s like 12. He has freckles for Christ’s sake!
He comes out of the hack like a human pretzel; the Manitoba tuck inordinately embellished by his diminutive stature.
His dad plays third, and is built like a linebacker. So are the other two members of the Kirkness rink.
We look at the kid and try to hide some smiles.
“Well, we might have a chance here,” says Johnnie. Greg, Tony and I just smile.
How good can this kid be?
Well, let me tell you how good this kid was.
Young Kris Kirkness absolutely kicked our big fat butts.
We shook hands after the sixth end.
Chris took off his gloves came over and shook my hand.
“Very nice game sir … really enjoyed playing with you.”
All I heard was Sir.
Boy I feel old.
Sunday morning.
And my platter of humble pie is served.
A la mode.
By a freckled, cuddly baby-faced assassin.
Goodbye Beausejour… it was a fun ride.
gav@pardontheeruption.com
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