To Tiger on his upcoming anniversary - reprise

Editor of PTE - Terrance Gavan - the archives
Aha just the tonic for the Ryder Cup!
We reprise a Beamus O'Bradaigh rant that he wrote in Calgary at the Grey Cup last year.
Where it all shimmered chimera with a fulsome degree of ifs, ands, buts, butts, and oh myyyyyys!
Tiger is dumping his detritus in Wales?
Or is he?
Originally published as:
Tiger Tiger Burning Blight - Blather Bunk and Blunted Bytes.


By Seamus O’Bradaigh
Tiger, Tiger, fess-up tonight, find reprieve, shed some light.
Geez, Tiger, what the hell kind of mid-life crisis have you embarked on, for crap’s sake?
I’m guessin’ that there’s more, much more limping legless from that closet of detritus that you’ve been packing with salty dreams, fantasies and high def models.

Ah Tiger ... Ain't deception, false premise and
wavering schizoid behavior wonderful. Good luck with this
Ryder Cup thing. By the way ... How're the kids?

Time for a junket to a sweat lodge Tiger. You have now joined the hosanna chorus. You’ve thrown your swoosh hat in the ring with the likes of Mel Gibson, a veritable string of horn dog senators and congressman, Jimmy Swaggart and all those prattling and sexually compromised preachers.
Ah, Tiger, Tiger, I think you might, need a preacher of your own tonight.
Find a pulpit, confess, connive and canoodle. Cram ten years of transgression into one glorious, grandiose and grandiloquent sound bite. Cry, plead cajole.
For god’s sake be sure to have your wife and kids in the background.
Channel your inner Flip Wilson. Tell the world: “The devil made me do it!”
Better yet. Find Bill Clinton.
Ask him what the “meaning of is is.”
Ah pundits, poets, preening power brokers and popinjay press. Climbing all over this one like rats on a pork bone.
Tiger, Tiger quite a sight, knockin’ spikes by firelight.
I’m actually quite happy to see Tiger on the spit doin’ a slow naked roll with the Heinz BBQ sauce splattered liberally over the appropriate parts of his anatomy.
And I’m especially impressed by Jesper Parnevik, who had the cohunes and ticklish temerity to come out and say what a lot of golfers were probably already thinking.
To wit: hey Tiger methinks the lady doth protest unmuch; and she should have clobbered you with a driver instead of that true temper three iron. Fore!

Matt Duchene diggin in for sophomore scrunch

By terrance gavan - PTE Editor

You have to know that Matt Duchene is feeling at least some overarching detritus from a helluva rookie campaign.
Here's what the young Haliburton product is facing.
Pressure, pressure, pressure baby.
Duchene finished second in the Rookie of the Year balloting last season.
He's dealing with that dreaded specter of the sophomore jinx.
He's put on weight but dropped body fat.
There's this wild and crazy Steve Stamkos thing looming loopy on a horizon.
Stamkos and Duchene had eerily similar rookie seasons.
We know what Stamkos did in his sophomore season.
Only tied Sid the Kid for maurice Richard honors - emblematic of most goals in the NHL.
Now - ring a dingy - Duchene is stepping into the spotlight.
He spent a week in Manhatten prior to training camp with 19 other NHL heavy hittin' dudes.
The Haliburton Hurricane is now regarded as one of the league's rising young talents.
Nice piece here re the kid with the bid.
From AP and ESPN.

Riders dip and dive during Crank the Shield at Sir Sam’s

By Terrance Gavan

Photo by terrance Gavan - PTE - great day for racing at sir sam's 

Shake, rattle and roll baby.

   Elvis has left the building.

   On a full-smush Trek Enduro.

   Don’t step on those Blue Suede Shoes y’all.

   Make no mistake, the Haliburton Highlands is rapidly becoming a first class destination for mountain bikers, weekend warriors and stellar sanctioned mountain bike races.

   Last Sunday morning some 290 colorfully clad riders revved up for the final stage of the now famous, infamous and unanimously transcendent Crank the Shield mountain bike race.

   Three days of Hell. Heaven. And for some … Limbo.

   The racers left Sir Sam’s parking lot at 9:30 am sharp and headed for the top o’ the hill; a challenging dipsy doodle up bunched up an old logging trail; and then down  the back side of the front side of the intricate system of trails laid out all over the ski runs at Sir Sam’s Ski and Summer Resort.

Charlie Teljeur wants you – and your hockey stories

Local writer compiling a book about Haliburton hockey

By Terrance Gavan

Charlie and Wayde preparing for the road trip of a lifetime. meanwhile CT
is also writing a book re HALIBURTON HOCKEY. Your stories are needed.
get in touch with me here gav@pardontheeruption.com and I will forward
your name and number on to Andrea Hilo pronto!

There’s something about this place.

   And no, it ain’t the water.

   Bernie Nicholls, Ron Stackhouse, Matt Duchene, and by adoption and first steps on ice, Cody Hodgson.

   Parry Sound has Bobby Orr.

   West Guilford, Haliburton and the Highlands have four NHL players.

   Something about this place?

   Of course.

   But what is it?

   Well, if you think you know, or have any poignant stories, Charlie Teljeur would like to hear from you.

   Teljeur a local columnist, cartoonist, writer, and now budding golf television reality show star wants to leave no stone unturned in his quest for the trivial; the funny; the sad; and the happy stories. Had a brush with greatness; a chance meeting with NHL royalty; or a childhood memory?

   Charlie’s your man.

   Call it a last chance to air that nugget. Crack that chestnut.

The 17th Annual Trail Run in Haliburton Forest - great photo finish

Annual Haliburton Forest Trail Run only for the brave

By Terrance Gavan  -at Haliburton Forest Preserve

Gailanne Joachim was a tiny speck in the distance as the clock ticked inexorably to noon.

   High noon.

   Important spot on the clock for the gritty Mississauga runner, who after 29 hours and 55 minutes on the trail was still minutes away from the finish line of the 17^th Annual Haliburton Forest Trail Race.

   Two yellow clad volunteers were pacing Joachim, urging her through the triple threat of seeping hypothermia, aching legs, and burning lungs.

   She was the final person on the trail last Sunday, and the last runner in the 100 mile challenge race, which began at 6 am on Saturday morning in the Haliburton Forest Preserve.

   The final participant still on the course was struggling.

   Word trickled through the woods and camping area at the Haliburton Forest welcome center, the finish line for this incredibly grueling run.

   Suddenly like ghosts, other racers appeared from the woods, and began to line the road.

   Over 100 of Gailanne’s fellow competitors and friends started to clap and yell encouragement.

   Joachim was obviously spent, but hearing the crowd, even in the distance, about 500 meters away, the shouts seemed to inspire her to pick up that grueling pace.

   As race organizer Helen Malmberg watched Joachim’s progress still far off down that dirt road, she glanced quickly at the watch.

   The look on her face said it all.

   “I don’t think she’s going to make it,” said Malmberg.

   By make it, she was referring to the time restriction posted in the pre-race guidelines.

   All runners who came in after 30 hours – 12 noon – were subject to a no time.

Haliburton Bassmania - a bad bass story of fear and loathing

Local anglers Bird and Coumbs still hurting after Bassmania controversy

Politics and $128,000 = Bad Karma, Kontroversy

Two Haliburton anglers thought they had a pretty good shot at the winners
cheque of $40,000. Yes, $40 K. The 50 on the cheques was a typo. Mike Reid and
Wes Foster took home the bacon after passing a lie detector test? WTF?

By Terrance Gavan

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

   The five stages of grief.

   Two local anglers are currently mired in number four.

   It may take a while for number five to kick in.

   We all, I think, can relate.

   Scott Bird and Chris Coumbs, owner of The Wild Outdoors store on Highland Street, are sitting in McKecks.

   It’s Monday night, a full week after the Bassmania Championship Event, held Labour Day weekend (Sept 3-5) in Haliburton on the chain of five lakes.

   And grief, stage four, is etched on their faces; you can still hear it resonate in their voices; grief and depression commingling; above and through the background din in the local sports bar.

   The question that hangs in the air is cogent, concise and poignant.  

   What do you do when the tournament you’ve been working a year for is suddenly yanked from your grasp?

   One thing you can do is set the record straight.

Hodgson in Limbo and owed and apology

Cody slated to start the season with the
Manitoba Moose. If this happens - well it's
pure and simple Crazy as Batshit. 

By Terrance Gavan

Please give to breast cancer

Vancouver Province writer Shimmy Jimmie Jamieson says the Vancouver Canucks owe Haliburton cottager Cody Hodgson an apology. Why? According to Jamieson, Hodgson will be missing this year's training camp and prospects games which means, according to Coach Alain Vigneault, that Canooks' 2008 first round pick (10th overall) will be starting his season with the AHLs Manitoba Moose. You will note that this writer has been calling out the Crazy Canucks for two years re their unrelenting and crazy as batshit handling of a kid who could well be their captain one day. Shame Shame Shame on canucks!!! ... Get the whole story here.

Hard Knocks - Sexy Rexy Ryan NY Jets coach - likes his snacks

Posted by PTE Editor - terrance gavan

Sexy Rexy Ryan, New York Jets voluble and adjectively challenged wordsmith delights us all with some random selections from his voluminous vocabulary.

Rex-bomb is being roundly criticized by many virgin-eared purveyors of morality. 

To wit: many pundits and superfluous sports hacks who could add a dimension to their own boring screeds with a few sexy Rexy verbs, adverbs, adjectives and descriptors. 

It's a word people.

 Let. It. Go.

The You Tube Video below is called Sexy Rexy's snack speech.

By the way ... Rex Ryan is not the only NFL coach partaking so heartily in flowery f-bomb laced prose.